Last night...

this person blew me away, yet again. But, that's no surprise now, is it?

Incredible.

Paradise.

Transport me back.

Now.

Now, work can be fun for you, too!

Here are a few ideas to pass time in the cubicle:

• Arm people with water pistols, Nerf balls or paper wads to assail anyone who is blocking creativity
• Ask a work mate if they need a hand, then give them a photo copy of your hand
• At the office, make your garbage can into your in-tray
• Bring a different tablecloth and flowers for the lunch room everyday for a week
• Call everyone bob or Richard, even the females.
• Change the speed dial settings on a co workers phone
• Change your accent every three minutes.
• Crank up some music
• Create a hall of fame photo gallery
• Create an official lighten up room with books, posters, videos, etc.
• Create the worst case scenario for your project - feel free to exaggerate
• Decorate your office with fun posters - add a humor section to the bulletin board
• Dress up like a flight attendant and stand in an elevator, when people get on hand them peanuts and tell them to enjoy their flight.
• Give crazy awards fior the sexiest phone voice, biggest blunder, Most likely to OD on coffee, Largest toe contest or whatever
• Give your boss a "wet willy" and blame it on someone else standing there.
• Grab the whole team when you need to pick someone up at the airport
• Have a contest to see who gets to paint a mural on the elevator doors
• Have a slipper day.everyone wear slippers and have prizes for the funniest, the cutest, the most worn out etc.
• Have fun with a photocopier or scanner
• Have swivel chair races at work
• Hold an awards ceremony during a particular stressful period
• Hold meetings out of the board room - at a park, picnic site or a bowling alley
• Mail an anonymous joke-of-the-week to someone on a regular basis
• Move your desk into the elevator and ask anyone that comes in if they have an appointment.
• Penalize people who talk about work when they are not at work
• Play Nerf Frisbee in the office
• Pray to the gods of the water cooler and leave various sacrifices.
• Proudly show everyone your calculator and hand out cigars. Tell them your computer just had a baby.
• Put a sign on your photocopier that says "New Copier - Voice activated - please speak your command" Watch the fun
• Send odd emails from other peoples computers - Pretend you are them
• Show home slides or videos in the office during lunch hour
• Use a banana or any other vegetable as a pointer for your next presentation
• Water the fake office plants.
• Wear your thong over your trousers and act surprised when anyone notices
• When people send you unsolicited faxes - Send them back to them about 600 time

Listen to what I did! I went through overlooked emails, and compiled a list of "dirty" things (use your imagination, okay?) that could be quilted together to create body that satisfies the funny bone:

Let's have your member work on it this week.
It is difficult for him sometimes.
That could be even better!
We could mock up something tonight.
I just need something solid.
I can make it EPIC tonight.
We're kind of rushing with a couple of things…
Rest your fingers.
FINISHED. Is that okay?
SUPER!
Turned out pretty good.
Got it!
$40 each time
Looks like we missed this one.
I'm down.
Thank you for your input
I will get things looking nice shortly.
Voila!
It is indeed tough.
I've noticed that every now and then something I send from here doesn't reach it's destination. ;)
Good vibrations!
Your girlfriend!
I ate spam.
Can you open?
45 seconds?
This helps out a lot!
Thank you for trying.
Hang in there--hard to get in.
I'm trying my best!
I'll let you as soon as i do.
To catch you up!
I've just received.
Enjoy.
Internal!
Maybe one for outside and one for inside.
Let's turn this into rotation!
Tried to get in.
Phew!
That took longer than I expected!
This one's longer.
My fingers feel like they're bleeding!

NOW, this is how you combine the excerpts to make them superb:

"Can you open?"
"Hang in there, hard to get in."
"Rest your fingers."
"I'm trying my best!"
"Maybe one for outside and one for inside."
"Voila! Internal."
"Good vibrations!"
"I'll let you as soon as I do."
"Super!"
"My fingers feel like they're bleeding!"
"This helps out a lot!"
"Phew! I've just received. FINISHED! Is that okay?"
"45 seconds? That took longer than I expected!"
"I ate Spam."

Hawaii!

I'm leaving for Hawaii in 22 days, and it'll be my fourth time there. I'm so excited!

Possible Island Adventures List/"Watersports!!!"

1. Swimming with Sharks
2. Night Scuba Diving
3. Jet Skiing
4. Sunset Catamaran Cruise
5. Surfing Lessons
6. Jungle Zip Line
7. Pearl Harbor
8. Dole Plantation
9. Driving around island

Landfill.

I am determined to turn my backyard into a tropical oasis--complete with large, green, leafy palms, and an outdoor living room.

With such renovation comes intense manual labor, causing severe back pain, and on the upside, lightening speed weight loss! So, in essence, my backyard AND body are getting makeovers!

This brings me to a wonderful conclusion. Why do people use gyms? If we all invested our energy (and by that I mean mostly physical) into our living spaces, they would be impeccable, and so would our figures! Doesn't it make sense? Instead of paying for a gym membership and aimlessly running without going anywhere, clean your house! But I mean REALLY clean it. The kind of deep, aggravating cleaning that works up an intense sweat. My policy on cleaning (outside of trying to associate it with working out) is that if you're cleaning without sweating and breathing heavily, you're doing it wrong. If everyone were to use this advice, imagine how beautiful the world would be--both bodies and surroundings? Not to mention the wonderful sense of pay-off and self gratification one receives after physically working hard on something for themselves. You don't have to give your landscaper or gardener credit!

Manual labor is your friend. Fire your gardeners and get diggin.'

Sex and the City

I went to watch it tonight. Although some may say the series was shallow, I beg to differ. Well, at least the movie wasn't. For those who haven't seen it, I encourage you to broaden your horizons and see a flick that challenges the thoughts surrounding relationships and marriage, while including the latest releases in fashion. By the end of the movie, I felt that I was watching myself on the big screen. Okay, an older, thinner, richer self, but nonetheless, I felt I was watching myself in Carrie Bradshaw.

The most amazing part of the film was the way it challenged the norm's view on marriage. I have always been semi-torn on this subject. Is marriage really necessary? Does it prove your love? Is it just a superficial vow and justification for throwing a wedding? Well, yes and no. Carrie and Big decided to get married. No fairytale proposal--I quote, "Just a business deal." After organizing a huge, hoopla wedding, the couple fails to attend (for reasons I shall omit for the sake of saving the suspense in the movie), and then end up getting married in the New York City Hall, just like Vlady and I (sans New York). Sorry for those that I just gave away the movie too. You snooze, you lose.

I battled with the idea of having a conventional "wedding." Actually, I battled with the idea of having a wedding at all. In my heart of hearts, I knew having a wedding would take away from our marriage. <-----Hello, here is the purpose and meaning of my blog. There is a huge difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is an excuse to "feel like a princess," and have a day to live in a fairytale. A marriage is the truly sacred part--or SHOULD be the truly sacred, romantic part. It's the meaning. The heart. It's the REASON. Entering in a marriage is no fairytale, and hardly romantic. But, sorry, neither is a wedding. If you're shallow enough to drown yourself and your partner in the illusion that your wedding is sacred, you shouldn't be getting married. Do you need to throw a big party with fancy food and guests you don't know to prove your love to an individual? I don't think so. I now believe that marriage is sacred. I NOW figured out that people SHOULD get married (be it their own choice), but there is a huge line between getting married and getting "a wedding." If you have to have the wedding of your dreams to get hitched, you shouldn't be getting hitched. There's no marriage in a wedding.

So, congratulations to Carrie and Big, or I should say, myself and Vlady. I have no regrets, nor am I battling with having a future reception. We did it the right way.

For ourselves.

Cocksucker.

There's nothing in life that gives me greater pleasure than to bitch idiot drivers out on the road.

Dumbass was in the middle turning lane and decided to glide over to my FAR LEFT lane as she was passing the intersection. I honked, and she stupidly gestured, "What?" Instead of explaining that she almost drove me into oncoming traffic, my mouth collapsed. I was defeated by stupidity. In a split second, I had assessed that had I tried to let her know what she did, she probably wouldn't have understood me anyway, and she would have endangered more people by struggling to. So, I gave up.

Today was a sad, sad day.

I also found out that my grandmother gave her cat to a kill shelter a couple of months ago.

That made me cry more than not being able to call idiot driver a cocksucker.

Bad mood today.

And this is how I feel.

Spring Fever!

It looks as though I completely forgot about my blog for the last month! I don't know where the time is going! I can't believe it's already May. I feel like yesterday was Halloween. I can't believe I'm going to be 24. I never imagined myself getting up in my twenties! I still feel like I'm a cool 16.

So many people around me are married and having babies. Wait a minute! I'm married! See where the time went? I can't believe I'M already married! No babies soon, though. Although at times, it's really weird, I feel my biological clock ticking. It's a very sloooooow tick, but nonetheless, I feel it at times. I still have a hard time picturing myself as a mother, though. I guess a lot of women probably feel that way. I've seen plenty of non-mother types as mothers, so I guess it can work. I'd really like to adopt, though. Since V wants a child of his own, I'm hoping to do both, although it would be REALLY hard.

Since I'm such a weenie when it comes to girl-related pains, my biggest fear in life is childbirth. Come on now, it's so not natural to have ANY orifice stretch to the size of a freaking watermelon, I don't care what nature says. I always pictured myself drugged to hell, holding a champagne glass in one hand, cigarette in the other, forget the gross hospital gown, and sliding the child out as elegantly as possible. No stirrups, and definitely no weird people holding my legs apart as my overgrown hair peeks through stained white socks. Ew! The image horrifies me. If I'm shooting a 10 pound anything out of my body, it's gonna be my way, or the highway! Oh, and I don't want ANYONE in the room but myself and a doctor. V has a problem with that, but he'll just have to deal. And forget the pale pastel nursery. Yuck!

What the hell am I talking about? We're talking in the long future!

Eh, well, at least I blogged.

Nightmares.

I have nightmares constantly when I'm stressed out, which turns out to be frequently. They're usually the same ones, over and over again. Mostly from my past, like unfinished business coming to haunt me at night. And I always wake up feeling nauseated. I also always get sick when I'm stressed out. I must have the most gawd-awful immune system hell could supply me with. A couple of panic attacks one evening, the next day I'm burning up and bed ridden. Over and over and over again. I try to eat healthy, take vitamins, but nothing does it. I think I should do some stress-relieving yoga meditation in the mornings. I also really want a punching bag.

I think that would do me wonders.

Hooray for charity!

There's really nothing better than the feeling of giving back. After watching American Idol Gives Back tonight, you'd have to be an idiot not to be moved by all of the seriously unfortunate standards within the world. By donating $100, I helped feed a child for an entire YEAR in Kenya. I think everyone should think of the many, many children suffering from hunger and sickness around the world, and most shockingly, in our own backyard within the US, while they're buying their Fendi bags and Mercedes SUVs. We aren't in need of such material things, and it's unfortunate that here, in the Silicon Valley, in the center of wealth, we are so shallow and ignorant to the real devastation taking place around us.

If you can buy coffee at Starbucks every day, if you can lease a new Beamer, if you can buy new Puma shoes, you need to give back. It's a shame if you don't.

Tropical Fruit

Almost every morning, I have a banana and black coffee for breakfast.

Today, just thought I'd let you know, my banana tasted like a flower.

Always shocking someone!

Guess what? I have a love of law. Yes, deep inside, I've always wanted to be an attorney. So, I've enrolled in a paralegal program starting next month, and I'm stoked! Who knows--if it goes more than well, I might even enroll myself in law school. :)

Yay! I'm so very excited to be back in school, and even more so, studying law.

Career paths.

Really frustrated with work right now. To make a long story short, I don't feel appreciated at all! I don't think I'm treated fairly or valued as a worker.

What the hell will make me happy? I just want the fine balance of enjoying my job, AND my paycheck!

After much deep thinking, it came to me.

THIS will make me a VERY happy employee:

My hair is burning.

Or at least, it feels like it.

I'm coloring it for the first time since November of last year. Long overdue.

I was thinking. I recently developed a crazy allergy to strawberries out of NOWHERE.

It would be interesting if I suddenly developed a crazy allergy to hair color and all of my hair fell out.

Hmm.






I'm gonna go wash it out!

I really want to do water sports!

I sit with a humble glass of Almaden Rhine.

Life is good.

And what I meant is I REALLY want one of these this summer:

Dreaming.

If I were...

a plant, I'd be a sunflower.

an animal, I'd be a leopard. Or some kind of fast cat. Maybe a jaguar.


an object, I'd be a lamp. Imagine all I'd see?

a celebrity, I'd be Kate Hudson. Understated and sweet.



the President, I'd make healthcare and college free somehow. If other countries can do it, we can.

a money bill, I'd be $10. Not as common as $1, but affordable for almost everyone to have.

a dessert, I'd be vanilla ice cream over a fudge brownie, because it's just the right combination of hot and cold.



a food, I'd be an orange. Sweet and refreshing, even in the winter.

an article of clothing, I'd be a scarf. Wrapping around to keep someone warm, and oh so cute!

a holiday, I'd be Christmas. Warm, comforting, happy and bright.



a season, I'd be summer. Since I'm already Christmas, I figured I'd crash some waves, now.

a sport, I'd be volleyball. The only sport you play on the beach.



a day, I'd be Friday. Let everyone look forward to their weekend.

a place, I'd be Disneyland. Fun for all ages!

There's no business if there's slow business.

Big stuff happening in the music industry.

Since I work in it, I try to pay attention to what's going on.

There's a constant fight between artists and big labels, and it's gotten to a whole new level recently which has potential to entirely change the business. It should be concerning to anyone who works in it, and well, come to think of it, anyone who is a music consumer.



Earlier this month, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, who recently parted ways with long time label, Interscope, published a blog-like report on his experimental release of Saul Williams' "Niggy Tardust." The entry can be found here: http://www.nin.com/

Basically, after following Radiohead's model of a self-serving band who were one of the first to ditch their major label and NOT join another, Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor produced and released Saul's album to fans who were given a choice to pay $5 in contribution for the hard work that was involved, or for those who didn't want to contribute, they could get it for free.




Unfortunately, Trent perhaps believed in the good of mankind all too much, and was disappointed when a mere 18% of fans chose to pay the affordable $5 contribution. Saul's album made only $141,610, which he would have to distribute accordingly to all of those involved. Had everyone who got the album paid the requested $5, Saul's album would have grossed $772,245. Interesting. I guess that's what you get for expecting the best from people. Good news: Saul grossed a bazillion times more money than he would have signed with a major label.

Only one problem with NIN and Radiohead's doings--perfect for already famous bands, but unless they lend helping hands to the underdogs, these business models virtually incinerate your average artist. NIN acknowledges this. Radiohead, I don't know. All I know is that Radiohead was charging a whopping 75-or something British pounds per concert ticket. About $150 US.




I found another disheartening article here: http://www.arancidamoeba.com/mrr/problemwithmusic.html. It's not credible and not reporter-style, but it does highlight, in detail, the extremely common contracted deals between major labels and your typical rock band. The numbers are correct, which I won't bother detailing in this blog, but the attitude perhaps isn't.

I've heard many artists say, "Who cares about the industry! Music should be free, and real musicians believe that!" I beg to differ. Usually, who I hear this from are starving musicians, who don't have anything to lose. For musicians who have already made a living off of their passion, or for music industry workers who receive paychecks to support their family with their industry jobs, it's a different story. Of course they care. And of course they want some income.




Music is consumable, right? -Just like paintings, furniture, cakes, dress pants, and none of these are free. Musicians are spending just as much time on their art as any of the other manufacturers, so why should they be any different? I hear this all of the time, which aggravates me: "X band made $3 million dollars already from their music. They don't need more. They shouldn't bitch that people are getting their music for free." Are we supposed to determine whether or not a musician deserves to make income past X amount of money they've thus far earned? Unless we're appointing a music God, I don't think that's our job.



There are great advancements due to technology, but what comes with those advancements are extreme fallbacks. Digital downloads have the potential to wipe out the industry. The only thing we're relying on here is the moral conscious of the common folk. Would you bet your money on that?

Oh, Lenny.

My new crush. No words needed.